On the foggy road, we always try to have an sight into the barrenness and dusk, or, resplendence and brightness of the future.
Since you said that everything keeps continuing to collapse, then turning into the zero finally, I've gradually felt anxious, disorientated or taken the posture of escaping, because, I love to see positive aspects of the existence all the time. When the negative ones make me stuck, or entice me to fall into a dead-end-like circle (even though it's temporary), I only have the impulse of screaming or crying of madness.
However, no matter how bad thoughts I sometimes have, or the bemusement or the horror in my mind, during our separation in different cities, I still can't help viewing you as my most important partner in my life. Behind all this, is the awakening on the edge of an illusion built on the wrongness and selfishness, the sweetness rushing to my heart, and the bunchy yearning every day, every night.
Always, you are willing to take care of me, which seems like you never abandon me, even though I am so fucked up, losing my mind, stumbling, and puking everywhere.. Always, you worry about me a lot (like..when I don't seem so fine), can't let it go, and wish that you could be with me at that moment. I worry about you too.
I've already seen you as my husband. What I am not willing to be faced with, is all the block, or dilemma.